Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
