No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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