Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
