i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
