Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
