Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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