i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
