one might say we're banned from that church
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Enjoy the penises
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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