Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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