So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
