If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
