beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
