So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize