all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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