are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
