The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Houston, we have a squirter
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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