Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
