okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize