Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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