Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
