yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
whose parrot is this?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I forget how to act sober
Randomize