Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
