I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
