my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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