I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
