Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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