So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
