The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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