Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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