Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
