im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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