I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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