So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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