Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
