If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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