never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
