Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Rumble strips road head = magical
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
