i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
