I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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