She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
