my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
