just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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