i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All the doctor said was why
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
