If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
