Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize