Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
