He disabled his match.com account in front of me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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