TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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