hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
