How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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