my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
