Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
