Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
