I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
