Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pants are for mortals
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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