So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
