I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
