All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Say something about gay babies.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
