When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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