we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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