How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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