That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
