Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
