I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize