Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
