I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
