last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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