come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
