He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
