Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
