You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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