Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
