fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
