are you so shy because you have an std?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
