Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
