you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
