I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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