i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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