you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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