Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
