Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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