she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
